


This Kind of Love

by SpecialWings



Series: Secret Love [2]
Category: NCT, WAYV
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:54:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22404475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpecialWings/pseuds/SpecialWings
Summary: Yukhei knew he couldn't stay in this kind of love anymore. He needed to chose something certain. Then perhaps he's the one that should give in.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Series: Secret Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612387
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	This Kind of Love

The evening sky looked darker than the usual. Dark grey clouds were hanging all over the sky, hiding the sun behind them. Seemed like it was going to rain very soon. A man was seen still busy with his laptop on the bench in the middle of the campus' park, and once in a while he glanced at his phone, waiting for a reply. His concentration was interrupted when someone called his name.

"Yukhei!" Hearing someone called his name, he averted his eyes from the laptop and turned his head toward the caller.

"Why are you still here? It's going to rain soon, look at those clouds."

"Ah Jun, just a lil bit more, I'll go home soon, are you going home rite now?"

"Hu-um. It's already quite late. Wanna go home together? Look around, it's already so deserted. Just continue it at home"

Yukhei took a glance at his laptop, then at his watch, and then stared at the sky. Right, the sky was so dark covered by clouds. Usually at this time, the sun was still seen. Yukhei was lost in thought for a moment, he then looked back at his phone for five seconds, and finally let out a sigh. Seemed like he finally came into a decision.

Yukhei closed his laptop and put it inside his backpack then addressed his friend, "Okay, let's go home." And as he said that, from the corner of his eyes he saw someone he had been waiting for. A smile was in the process of blooming on his face, he wanted to greet that figure warmly for he had been waiting, however that smile suddenly died before it could bloom fully. Instead Yukhei felt like his heart dropped to his stomach, watching a certain scene unfolded in front of him.

His friend noticed that Yukhei seemed to be frozen and stared at certain direction, thus he followed Yukhei's gaze. He knew the person Yukhei stared at but then he wondered why Yukhei didn't greet that person for Yukhei know them so well. Hmm, did they have some problems? Were they fighting? Now he got confused, should he greet them or should he just keep quiet like Yukhei.

On the other hand, Yukhei who just got back his mind from the gutter, made his movements quicker to finish tidying up his things, seemed like he wanted to get away as fast as possible.

Fortunately for Dejun (but unfortunately for Yukhei) that someone greeted them first.

“Lucas!” That person smiled at Lucas, “Oh hello, Xiaojun!” he also greeted Dejun.

“Ah, Hi Mark!” Dejun greeted him back.

“Yo Mark!” Yukhei greeted back enthusiastic, just like the usual him. Dejun who saw that frowned in confusion. Really, what's wrong with his friend?

"Cas, I'm going home late tonight, gonna do some work with Mina and accompany her buying gift for Yoojung," Mark immediately told the reason he approached Yukhei.

Yukhei threw a smile toward the woman beside Mark, acknowledging her presence. Yukhei tried to act coldly like he didn't care at all, but he couldn't, moreover because it was his chance to talk to Mark.

"It's going to rain soon, tho. How do you go there? Do you bring an umbrella, Mark?" Worries seeped through Yukhei's voice. 

Mark looked up to the sky and saw the sky had darkened more than usual. His expression looked a little bit surprised and disappointed, seemed like Mark didn't bring an umbrella.

"I bring one," piped Mina as she brought out a small folded umbrella from her bag.

"Hmm… I think it's too small for both of you," said Yukhei after he saw the umbrella, then he pulled out a bigger umbrella his bag and handed it to Mark. "Here, just use this, it's bigger. You better use this rather than getting Mina drenched because of your clumsiness, Mark."

"And what about you, Cas?" asked Mark.

Yukhei let out a small smile. "Don't you worry. It's just a close walk from here, remember? And there's Dejun. I'm going to be okay. Just use the umbrella." He tried to convince Mark again.  _ 'since the beginning I brought it for you Mark, though my first intention was to use it together during our walk home.'  _ Yukhei said to himself.

"Are you sure?" Mark stared at Yukhei in hesitation, he also glanced at Dejun who in turn smiled reassuringly. 

"Yes, just hurry up, it's going to rain any time soon," replied Yukhei exasperated, starting to feel a little bit annoyed. He also wanted to end this conversation and get out from here as soon as possible. 

"Ah, then Thank you Cas. We're going first." Mark bid his goodbye which followed by Mina.

Yukhei stared at their departure for a few seconds too long before he finally woke up from his reverie. He then turned to Dejun who turned out already stared at him in wonder.

"You guys fought?” asked Dejun.

Yukhei seemed startled with the question. “Eh? A-ah nope. Not really.”

Dejun stared at Yukhei inquisitively for a few moments making him felt restless and uncomfortable.

“Let’s just go. You keep asking me to go home, so let’s just go. Hurry up before it starts to rain.” Yukhei tried to switch the topic.

Dejun nodded and they finally walked back home. However, after a few moments, Dejun restarted the conversation. “Oh by the way, since dating Mina, I felt like I rarely see Mark, usually I always see him glued to you, wherever and whenever I saw you I always saw him beside you. But these days he also rarely hang out with us.”

Seemed like Dejun was still trying to fish out some information by instigating conversation around Mark.

“Ah, people in love, Like you don’t know them, usually they forget about their friends. Girls before bros, not the other way around,” replied Yukhei with a bitter smile.

Dejun chukled. “You’re jealous, right? Got ignored by Mark?” Dejun let out another chuckle. “I know you’re a very affectionate person Hei. Got no other victim of your overflowing affection?” Dejun teased his same-aged friend.

“W-what are you talking about, Jun?” stuttered Yukhei. “Humph. Not really. I still got you and the others to be my victim,” Yukhei winked at Dejun, teasing him back as he then grasped the shorter man’s shoulder.

Dejun laughed in response. “Ah I got reminded of that phase where people gossiped about you two, thinking both of you are boyfriends cause you’re so clingy with each other. Roommates, going to uni together, hang out together. You are seem like each other plus one during any events, y’know.”

Yukhei got startled and in reflex he responded by awkwardly laughing along. “Ah, really? to that extent?”

“Yup,” Dejun nodded enthusiastically, “The gossip really spreads around the campus, don’t you know? But before long Mark started dating Mina and it’s been a few months, now instead of you Mark glued to Mina.”

“Then isn’t that great? We aren’t the center of the rumor anymore,” this time Yukhei replied full of spirit and smile.

Dejun just laughed and nudged him teasingly, “So when is your turn?”

“Hah? When.. what?” Yukhei asked in confusion, why he suddenly got questioned.

“Of course dating. Instead of feeling lonely and jealous like this, you should fine one for yourself. You are a needy one, craving for love and attention, am I right or am I right?” Dejun kept teasing him.

“Hmm not looking for one. I’m still busy, moreover I’m a loyal follower of bros before hoes, thus I’ll just pour over my love and attention toward you guys, my bros.” Again, Yukhei winked his eyes flirtatiously, teasing Dejun back. “Now that you bring up my loneliness, you have to take responsibilities by accompanying me for dinner. Plus, it’s going to rain soon, eating alone during rain will make me seem more lonely and sad.”

“Okay, with the kindness of my heart I pity you and I’ll accompany your pitiful self,” agreed Dejun.

Without Dejun realizing, Yukhei’s heart got sliced a bit because of this conversation. He could only showed his smile, meanwhile he got more hurt with the situation that’s going on with him right now. ‘It seems that plan really works well, too well. It’s going according to the expectation. It’s okay even though I’m hurting, at least one of us seems happy,’ thought Yukhei on his mind.

⛅⛅⛅

The clock showed 23.50 when Mark finally entered his apartment which he lived with Yukhei. He got back later than his estimation.

His ears caught faint sounds of people talking. He walked inside towards one of the rooms, opened the door, and found himself inside a dark room, the only lights there came from a laptop’s screen which seemed playing a film. Right in front of the laptop, a man was sleeping on his stomach with both of his hands hugging a pillow and his neck laying sideways. 

Marked walked closer, stopping the movie, turning off the laptop, and put it on the desk. He then caressed the man’s hair, as he called out his name.

“Lucas, wake up, baby,” the only responses he got were groans and mumbles. “Xuxi, baby, wake up. Don’t sleep like, your neck will be sore in the morning,” this time Mark tried to shake the body in front of him harder.

Yukhei slowly opened his eyes. Still shrouded with drowsiness and fatigue, he tried to assess the situation around him.

“Mark?” Yukhei started to sit up from his sleeping position. “You’re home?” Yukhei rubbed his eyes, trying to focus his sights to see clearly.

“Hm.” Mark hummed in response. “You weren’t staying up, waiting for me, right?”

Instead of answering, Yukhei let out a big yawn. He seemed really tired and sleepy. Mark who saw that smiled. For him, Yukhei who just woke up looked cute and adorable. He then leaned his body toward Yukhei and kissed the top of the older man’s head. 

Mark climbed up the bed, getting closer toward the taller man. “Cute, my big baby,” said him then he grasped both of Yukhei’s cheek with his palm, kissed each of them and then kissed Yukhei’s thick lips.

The kiss immediately woke up Yukhei from his drowsiness but at the same time it also lulled him. Mark tried to deepen the kiss and Yukhei let him, he also took active role in that struggle between two mouths. Yukhei’s hand reached toward Mark’s hair and the other hand grasped the smaller’s waist. He tried to eliminate the distance between them, he wanted both of them to join together, body to body, skin to skin. Yukhei missed this.

Mark pulled himself when he felt his chest tightened in need of oxygen. Yukhei who still missed him and wanted more, followed the drifting lips, trying to catch Mark’s lips in another kiss. Seeing that, Mark chuckled. “Someone’s needy.”

Yukhei pouted. “I just miss you.”

Mark let out another laugh. “Xuxi, we meet each other every day. We just met earlier at campus.”

Yukhei opened his mouth trying to give a defense statements but decided to close it again. He hesitated. He then decided to just buried his head on Mark’s neck, hugging him tightly and smelling him and trying to soak himself with the familiar smell Mark’s body scent, trying to instill it back to his memory. However unfortunately, instead of the sweet aroma that he really loved, he smelled floral kind of perfume which clearly a woman perfume and not the usual scent he associated with Mark.

Yukhei winced and pulled himself away. He now got slapped back into reality and toward the conflict in his heart. “I’m tired,”he said, “let’s go back to sleep.”

Mark knitted his brows in wonder. He could see there was something changing in Yukhei.

“Hey babe, what’s wrong?” Yukhei just shook his head weakly and laid down on the bed.

“Hei, come on talk to me,” coaxed Mark.

“It’s already late Mark. You should take a shower first and sleep. Tomorrow we’ll go on date, okay? It’s been so long since our last date,” Yukhei gave his best smile.

Now it Mark’s turn to show a change in his expression and action. He looked guilty and hesitant. “Um, I already made promise to accompany Mina watch a movie tomorrow and remember, there is a party at Jaehyun’s at night. You’re coming to Jae hyung’s right?”

“Oh.” Only that slipped out of Yukhei’s lips. He let himself felt another disappointment. He felt like he was the secret mistress here, the one who Mark got an affair with whom must be hidden away and always be the second one. Yukhei regretted that he agreed to Mark’s dumb plan.

“Babe?” Mark called again, feeling not satisfied with only an ‘oh’.

“Just let’s see,” replied Yukhei short and coldly.

“Hei, are you jealous?” Stupid question. Of course he got jealous. Hey, who wouldn’t be jealous if someone you loved got closer with someone else in public and wouldn’t acknowledge their relationship and instead cover it up with another relationship. 

“Mark,” called Yukhei softly, “until when?” asked him.

“What?”

“You and Mina.”

Mark shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, I am indeed jealous,” confessed Yukhei in the end. “That rumor already faded away. You don’t need to worry and we can just be more careful,” said Yukhei seriously. He sat up again and stared straight at Mark’s eyes, showing his seriousness.

“Our relationships almost reached a year and a half, but in the past 3 months, you’re not fully mine, and you’re often with someone else.”

Mark stuttered, trying to reach out for some words. “I… I thought you already agreed on this,” Mark asked back softly.

Yukhei let out a sigh. “Baby, I know you’re not comfortable yet with coming out and going public, I know the rumor really disturb you, but.. But these.. These are unfair for both Mina and I.”

“I.. I,” Mark tried to give a response toward Yukhei’s words, but he couldn’t find the words.

Yukhei let out another sigh. “Just forget it, I’m already too tired for this conversation, it’s already late. Good night,” Yukhei laid back down on the bed, pulled his blanked and closed his eyes without waiting for a reply from his lover.

“Please hold on just a lil bit more,” whispered Mark softly as he kissed Yukhei’s forehead.

‘I don’t know if I’m able to, Mark… and whether I can keep your words,’ replied Yukhei on his mind.

⛅⛅⛅

Yukhei really didn’t want to be here. He wasn’t in the mood for the party if not for Hendery and Dejun dragging him here, he would just stay in his room sleeping. Dejun who saw his moments of weakness a.k.a loneliness he said, decided to tell Hendery and made plans to ensure Yukhei had outlets for his needs of affection, human interaction, and attention. Now both of them were even encouraging Yukhei to search for a girlfriend or just hook up in this party. Now both of them have already vanished in the crowd, leaving him alone near the table full of food and some weird concoction of drinks. Yukhei wasn’t interested at all at dancing nor socializing. He had already rejected few dancing offers. He just observed his surrounding mindlessly.

His gaze fell on a couple who were dancing. They looked very intimate and a little bit tipsy. The woman whispered something in the man’s ear, making him laugh, and a few moments later they made out on the dance floor. Yukhei envied them and he could feel something pricked his heart.

A tap on his shoulder distracted him from his reverie.

“Xuxi! How are you? I’m so happy to meet you here,” greeted someone very familiar to him.

“Kun-ge!” Yukhei exclaimed in happiness, a wide smile bloomed on his face. His favorite ge was here. “Not really fine. How bout you, ge?” Yukhei couldn’t lie to Kun, the only person who understands Yukhei, a parent and a brother figure for Yukhei in this foreign country.

“Oh Xuxi,” Kun immediately hugged Yukhei and caressed his back in comfort.

“Mark?” asked Kun softly right beside Yukhei’s ear, not only because of the sensitive topic but also because he wanted to ensure Yukhei could hear him in between the loud music and chatter around them.

Kun knew everything. Yukhei told everything to him, no secrets. Yukhei nodded and hearing Mark’s name his eyes automatically tried to search for the special figure who he really loved. He let his eyes roamed around the room, scanning the dancing crowd. But none, he couldn’t find that couple. Yukhei felt a little panic and he scanned the room again, looking at every corner of the room, trying to find the figure he already committed to his memories, his beloved boyfriend. 

Finally he found his so-called boyfriend at the top of the stairs toward the second floor with his ‘official and public girlfriend’.

He knew what happened in the party like this. He knew what lies on the second floor. Rooms, private rooms. He also knew what happens behind closed doors. He didn’t want to make bad assumptions but his trust slowly got chipped away with his lover’s actions such as broke the promise they made together. 

Kun who felt Yukhei’s mind have travelled away, followed his gaze and he immediately knew what was on the younger’s mind. He squeezed the taller’s hand, making him turned toward the older.

“Make sure by yourself,” said Kun, “Ge will be here, waiting for you.”

Yukhei smiled sadly. “Ge, is there any space in your flat? A couch will do.”

“There will always be a place for you, Xuxi,” Kun also smiled sadly. He felt sorry for the male he already loved as his own brother. “Just go, I’ll wait at the exit.”

Yukhei gulped, gathering his courage to face the reality which might be really painful. He then walked towards the second floor. However he got stopped by Jaehyun, the host of the party.

“Yo Lucas! How’s the party, man? Having fun?” Jaehyun just tried to be a good host by greeting his guests.

“Eum. It’s lit, bro,” Yukhei smiled as he lied through his teeth. He didn’t enjoy the party, but it wasn’t Jaehyun’s fault. “By the way, do you see Mark, bro?”

“Um, I saw him. But you better not bother him. Looks like he’s getting some tonight,” Jaehyun smiled and moved his eyebrows suggestively, implying the activity that would occur soon.

Yukhei laughed awkwardly. “It’s kinda important, bro. Hopefully, they hasn’t started yet or at least nothing serious has started,” Yukhei made some excuses, though it was hard for him to say it.

Jaehyun raised his eyebrow, full of questions but then he shrugged, decided to not meddle in. “Okay, it’s up to you, dude. He’s in the second room from the end of the hallway. Here’s my advice to you, tho.  _ Don’t be a cockblock _ ,” said Jaehyun laughing as he pointed at a room.

“Thanks bro!” Yukhei patted Jaehyun’s shoulder then walked toward the pointed way. Meanwhile Jaehyun continued to socialize with the other guests.

Yukhei got toward the door Jaehyun pointed at. He raised his knuckle to knock. His movement halted when he heard a moan. He froze. Another moan was heard. He could hear faintly the moans of a woman and a man.

Yukhei knew well the moaning sound of the man. Usually, he heard them from under him, in his embrace. Usually, he was the one that made that man let out such a sexy and sensual moans. Those sounds were supposed to be heard by him.

Yukhei didn’t want to believe his own hearing. He wished that it was probably just someone with similar voice and not someone he thought of. But, again, Yukhei needed to face the reality when a loud moan shouted the name of someone he thought of. “Eungh~ Mark~”

Yukhei’s expression turned sour. He brought out his phone. He pressed 3 on speed dial, and waited for the call to be connected. First call went ignored. The second call and the third one also had the same result. It was on the fourth one, that the call was answered.

“Hello, Mark. Where are you?”

“ _ Me? Of course still in Jaehyun hyung’s party, _ ” said the voice from the other side. It sounded distracted with irregular breathing sounds.

“Where exactly? I’ll go to you, hmm?”

“ _ Eum, ah, I’m at.. eum in the backyard on my way to the toilet. I need to pee.”  _ Lie. Okay, enough. Yukhei already knew.

“Oh, I see. Then I’ll go home first.”

“ _ Hmm..” _

“Mark..” Yukhei went silent for a few seconds, hesitated to say a few words already on the tip of his tongue, but actually he was more afraid to hear the response or the lack of it.

“Mark.. I love you. See you later.”

“ _ Eurm, yeah. Bye..”  _ What he was afraid for came true. Yukhei didn’t get the response he wanted. Mark didn’t reply his love you like usual, he didn’t even pay any attention to their conversation. Along with the end of the phone call, the moans from inside the room got louder.

Enough. Yukhei had enough. It was the last straw and now Yukhei had already come into a decision.

No, Yukhei wouldn’t bust through the door. He didn’t want to make a commotion. He still respected Mark privacy. He wouldn’t force Mark to come out so sudden in front of Mina like this.

Yukhei opened the message application on his phone and wrote up a message to Mark which he was also sure that Mark would read it in the morning, or even noon.

_ “Hey, I got something important to tell you. I’ll be waiting in the apartment, text me when you’re on your way home.” _

_ ⛅⛅⛅ _

The next day, Mark got home around 1 in the afternoon. He found Yukhei sitting in the kitchen, a cup of tea was in his hand, and looked lost in his thoughts. Mark smiled and walked closer.

“Hey babe, what’s on your mind?” greeted Mark as he leaned closer to the taller, trying to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, but Yukhei who just woke up from his daydreams evaded it instead..

“Did you read my text?” Yukhei asked back instead of answering.

“Text?” asked Mark looking confused. “Ah, sorry my phone’s dead.” He brought out his phone and showed it to Yukhei.

Yukhei closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to control his emotions.

“Xuxi, what’s wrong?” Mark immediately sensed that this was a serious situation.

Yukhei slowly opened his eyes and stared at Mark seriously. “Mark, let’s break up,” Yukhei immediately went to the main problem without any preamble, surprising the younger.

“W-what? W-why? Don’t joke around, babe,” stuttered Mark.

“You do know why, Mark,” replied Yukhei flatly.

“Let’s talk through these slowly, babe,” Mark tried to rationalize, “if this is about yesterday’s arguments, I think you’ve agreed since the beginning. If you’re so jealous, I can spend less time with her. I beg you please hold on just a lil bit more. A few more wee-?"

“I know what you did last night, Mark Lee,” said Yukhei coldly, cutting off Mark’s bullshit.

Mark froze. He went pale. "W-what do you mean?"  


"Don't try to deny it. I called you from in front of the door."

"Wait I can explain."

Yukhei raised his eyebrows, he doubted Mark had any explanation which wouldn't sound like a lie. "What else need to be explained?"

"Last night was crucial for our plan," said Mark fast.

Yukhei scoffed, "Does having sex really important for the relationship you called as 'fake' relationship?" Yukhei emphasized on the word 'fake' and made a gesture of quoting with his fingers.

"Yes! For a prove," Mark replied quickly. "You know how gossip works, right? And you know how they talk about people's relationship?"

Yukhe sighed. Really this conversation drained him physically and mentally.

"Mark," he called softly, "actually to whom you want to prove it? I know you're still not comfortable enough with your sexuality and still afraid about coming out, but this.. This wasn't something I agreed on when you told me your plan. Tell me, how much longer do I need to hold on? How much longer you will keep thinking about those people words.

"If it's like this, I feel like our relationships is only a burden for you. So.. just let me lift off your burden, set you free from this hindrance."

"But Xuxi, I -"

"Mark, look into my eyes and say you love me."

"I love you," Mark immediately did it without any hesitation. Yukhei searched his gaze. Then he smiled wistfully.

"Mark, forgive me. I can't hold on anymore. I don't want to be in this kind of love anymore. You broke our promise one too many, too often broke my heart. I've been too disappointed, and I couldn't accept it anymore if I need to keep contradict my own heart like this."

"I've said it before, this wasn't fair for both of me and her. We need to chose one. So, just let me be the one who back away. Let me be the only one who got disappointed and hurted with all of these. I'll let you go now, and please also let me go to heal these wounds."

Yukhei reached out to Mark's cheeks, caressed it softly, then kissed his lips. A goodbye kiss which felt really like a final.

"Your happiness isn't with me anymore, I won't stop you," whispered Yukhei. He then picked up the duffel bag on the floor.

"I'm going. Good bye," Yukhei walked away. Mark just realized that Yukhei brought a pretty big bag.

"Where are you going, Cas?" Mark started to panic.

"Ah, I forgot to say. I'm moving away. You can look for another roommate," explained Yukhei then he continued to walk away.

"Lucas! Wong Yukhei! Huang Xuxi!" shouted Mark trying to stop him. He also run to beside him and grabbed his hand.

"I just want the best for you, Minhyung," said Yukhei as he released himself from Mark's grasp. "Now please let me also look for my own happiness."

"I wish you will really find your happiness," Yukhei kissed Mark's forehead softly, pouring all of his love for Mark for the last time. "I'm going. Don't stop me and don't look for me. At least please let me to heal my wounds first."

Without waiting anymore Yukhei stepped out from the apartment he used to call home. The sound of the door closing felt like it marked the closing of Yukhei's heart and the end of their loove story, leaving Mark alone in the apartment that now seemed a lot more deserted and lonely than the usual.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hellow all~ this was translated from my works in my native language and somehow I wasn't satisfied with how this turned out cause I can't really find the flow when I translated it..
> 
> Please give me some feedbacks and leave some comments and kudos~
> 
> Oh and talk to me in twt @teukheiboo


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